Dementia involves a progressive loss of cognitive abilities as the brain cells whither away. As it progresses, the person living with dementia will eventually not recognize loved ones. That is extremely emotional for those unrecognized. According to author Susan Macaulay, there are several things to be aware of which might help make this loss of recognition more tolerable:

1. Do babies recognize and call by name those who care for them?

2. Does the fact that babies do not recognize their parents as individuals cause their parents to love them any less?

3. What kinds of things do babies sense from those who care for them?

4. Are those things contingent on babies recognizing who cares for them?

5. What do I feel when the person I love who has dementia does not recognize me?

6. What is at the core of my upset when my loved one with dementia does not recognize me?

7. Is recognizing me going to make their life any better?

8. Does not recognizing me make their life any worse?

9. Do they not recognize other people, or is it just me they don’t recognize?

10. Does it matter if they don’t recognize other people?

11. How important is it for the people in my life who have dementia for me to “see” them?

12. Based on the behaviour of my loved one with dementia when s/he doesn’t recognize me, does not recognizing me or others seem to cause them a great deal of lasting pain and/or suffering?

13. How important is it at this stage in my life for her/him to “see” me?

14. How important is it for people in general to be seen?

15. If it is important for people to be seen, why is it important?

16. If I don’t see and love the people who are close to me who have dementia, who will?

17. What would happen if I let go of my need for them to recognize me?

18. What does love mean to me?

19. What does compassion mean to me?

20. What is at the core of being human?